Will I ever come back to life?

I was asleep in my bed while I heard footsteps but I let it go, thinking it was a mere dream but it wasn’t, it was worse, I was Hallucinating. The footsteps were then followed by a loud noise of someone crying. I woke up in a panic but I couldn’t move my hand or my feet. I could still watch, the shadows of demons around my walls and a terrible figure over me. I lied there, paralyzed, horrified and helpless. Despair washed over me, but I shouted and cried for help then realized my cries and screams were only vocalized inside my head. I could sense the shadows coming closer to me and when I finally gathered up all my efforts to pull myself up, I was back at life again. I welcomed a sleepless night.

It got worse when I started hearing voices, his voices, he would come and whisper something I was never able to remember every time. He, my dear friend, would make me see things, things that are unreal yet scary. Hallucination, my dear friend was here again, taking my blankets off, spilling water on me, scaring me with his whispers and frightening me with his tiny actions. Some nights, I would scream so bad but used to wake up realizing I was screaming only inside my head. One night, it was 12:30 when I slept, and I felt him coming after 5 or 6 minutes, with new tricks of torture. It was 12:38 when I had fought and came back at life. It felt like forever when it happened but finding out the fact that it was only 1 to 2 minutes of torture felt scarier than anything else.

Some nights, I would gather up all my stamina and efforts to come back, but whenever I made it, I would constantly shake as if I was possessed or had a seizure, as if I lost my balance and had no control over my entire body while some nights I don’t even make it even after 4 to 5 tries, then, I start thinking what if I never go back this time, what if I never make it no matter what. I fight a war with him every day, I have been doing this for the past 5 years. Something that terrifies me the most is, what if I don’t make it this night. No matter how many times I google about Sleep Paralysis or how many measures I apply for dealing with this, I still get it, I am his favourite and he is never going to leave me.

Priyansha Khadka

The British College

BSc Computing (Level 4)