Unclear, myself!

I stayed in a numb room, no words, no sound, and no whisper. Past few days, the same old thing is flying around my mind, but in a deeper manner, it feels so loud, yet it is still so mystifying. Right now, I feel like I need someone to talk to, but I know I will go out of words, I won’t be able to clear the things I want to say, “Why” if you ask?
It’s because, I am here unclear, myself. However, when I say unclear, it doesn’t mean “confusion”. It is simply the exhaustion that I get every time I am unable to clear myself and explore it to my deepest end. Have you ever seen the flower? I am sure, all us have. But, I haven’t, “yes, I haven’t” I realize I have never taken a minute to see the flower, see the colour in its every petal, see its stem and the leaves. I must have just probably taken it to my hand, seen it and then forgot about it- the infinite number of flowers, for an infinite number of times. Hence, I have never seen a flower as I feel right now, I should have!
Never mind, right now, the thing is- the rush of words, and the heartbeat of mine is in so contrast. My mind knows exactly what it wants to take out of me, however, my mind also knows the triggers and the barriers not to break myself into. I feel like I am in a battlefield ever again, for something that shouldn’t bother me as much as it is currently doing- bothering me so much that it has somewhat, about to, conquer my brain. Consequently, my imagination power is currently in a pause, as I am trying to link the dots of real life, I feel like I’m all lost in a maze. And for me, not being able to balance these two things (imagination and the reality) is the frustration as same as to carry myself to death.

“The sorrow or the pain, the feelings that drag to the sane, have lost. You tried a lot to protect yourself but for now, you have consumed all the pain. The things might have been something else, but you my dear, took all the decisions of your life. Hence, you have no one to blame!”

Anu K.C

The British College

BBA (Level 6)